God's gift of grace
“What’s your name?”
“Ay ya YIH ya,” pronounces my 18-month old son, Azariah, as he scampers away with a toothy grin. I marvel at this little wonder. Such a delight. A gift from God — a gift of grace.
Being a single mom was never one of my “life goals.” I never imagined that I’d find myself in this position … after all, I’d grown up in a Christian home. I was old enough to know better. I was reading God’s Word and attending small groups. But that wasn’t enough. I didn’t guard my heart (Prov. 4:23). I didn’t confess to those close to me that I messed up and needed help. I didn’t surrender everything to the One I can trust most.
Dropping out of grad school, moving home from the east coast, and telling my parents that I was pregnant were comparably the easier parts. Dealing with my own spiritual brokenness, lack of wisdom, and emotional wounds — these were the more painful ones. But God dried my tears and told me He loved me still. He has been faithful in providing more than what I need every step of the way.
So many women (and men) deeply long to have children and can’t. So many wait anxiously through the fertility or adoption process. And here I was given a healthy baby boy — with an uncomplicated pregnancy and delivery, surrounded by a multitude of prayers. I believe God especially blessed me, as a single-mother, with an easy-going baby. Azariah’s happy, healthy, and gets along with almost anyone.
The Lord showered His grace on me with unconditionally loving parents, supportive friends, and godly single-mother role models. He surrounded me with special “Titus 2” women through the Whittier Pregnancy Care Clinic. These women have prayerfully journeyed with me through emotional battles, legal arrangements, and decisions affecting my son. The support group is now a place where I can be an influence. I share with expectant and new young moms about what it means to make wise choices and trust God with their lives.
Why would God do all this after I had turned my back on Him? Why does He continue to bless me? Because He loves me more than I can fathom. His love is immeasurable. He constantly pursues me. Isn’t that what I was looking for all along — an intimate relationship? He says in Isaiah 54, “Fear not, for you will not be ashamed … for your Maker is your husband.” He loves each one of us, no matter what has happened to us, what we have or have not done. He forgives, heals, and restores.
As I raise my son, I understand a little more about our Father’s loving relationship with us. Our Heavenly Father, who breathed life into us and knows us intimately, also knows and desires what’s best for our lives. He sets limits for us from things that are destructive, much like me telling Azariah “no” for his protection. When Azariah doesn’t listen, he gets hurt. In the same way, God allows us to deal with the consequences of our own actions. Sometimes it takes painful lessons for us to come back to the Lord. But He’s there with open arms. We fail. People hurt us. Life disappoints us. But God is forever faithful and never-changing.
I’ve come back to the Lord once again, this time with a renewed passion to cling to Him tightly. I know by experience that it is God alone who sustains me. I am inspired by the story of Enoch (Genesis 5, Hebrews 11), whose walk with the Lord truly began with the birth of his son Methuselah. Enoch walked in faith and was pleasing to the Lord. My son is a visible reminder for me to strive for the same. Azariah makes me come alive whenever I see him after a long day at work or even a few hours apart. When he gives me a “becito” (kiss), we both smile in delight. His eyes light up and my heart melts. I know God loves me and I desire to live for Him.
“Do not grieve for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”
– Nehemiah 8:10
Lisa has a heart for impoverished people overseas, especially women and children. She dreams God will use her and her son to make an impact in the world, spreading joy and hope.
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