the greatest high

I’ve spent many years trying to find the greatest high I could experience. I’ve been in a Payote induced trance with Shamans in a sweat lodge to find my inner totem animal. I’ve lit candles and chanted incantations that I found in a book of wiccan spells. Yet neither those things nor skin-head boyfriends, stoner buds, and all night party binges were ever able to satiate my lust for the extraordinary.

When I was trying ways to feel more alive, there is one thing I would never dare try: Christianity. The only face of Christianity I recognized were born again bible-toters standing on street corners screaming that if all us “homosexuals, dopers, and loose women” didn’t repent and accept Jesus Christ we’d burn in the raging fires of hell. The Bible was presented as a book of laws by which one must abide -- or be damned. Christians claimed to be worshiping a loving God, but where was their love? All I saw was judgment and condemnation.

Eventually, I met Kyle. I liked his Mohawk and rebellious ways. We partied hard together, but we ached to find a greater high. Though he wasn’t following Christ at the time, he was concerned I wasn’t “saved” like he was. Kyle’s father was a preacher man. We asked him if he knew of any churches in L.A. that would cater to freaks. He led us to Mosaic. I figured a “disorganized community” (rather than “organized religion”) that got together at a nightclub on Sunday nights sounded worth checking out.

At Mosaic, a man named Chip Anderson spoke. While aggressively chopping daisies off their potted stems, he explained that when flowers are cut off from their source, they will look good for awhile; but eventually wither and die. After years of desperate searching for meaning and numerous thwarted suicide attempts, I realized I had somehow been cut off from my source. Just like those flowers, I was withering. What was my source? God? If so, how could I connect to the creator of the universe? I couldn’t relate to Him.

When a too perky, too pretty, too blonde sorority girl named Ali sometime later suggested that Jesus was the way for me to relate to God; I explained that Jesus freaked me out. God … the Holy Spirit even … I could be open to; but I wasn’t ready for the whole Jesus thing. All I’d ever seen of Jesus was statues and photographs of a guy hanging on a cross bleeding and dying. Gross! It seemed to me that He left His dependents just when they needed Him most; much like my father left me when I was two years old. Ali challenged me to read John 14:16-18. I respond better to challenges than threats of hell. I spent that entire night reading all of John 14 … many times. The part she wanted me to read said:

“16 I will talk to the Father, and he'll provide you another Friend so that you will always have someone with you. 17 This Friend is the Spirit of Truth. The godless world can't take him in because it doesn't have eyes to see him, doesn't know what to look for. But you know him already because he has been staying with you, and will even be in you! 18 I will not leave you orphaned. I'm coming back. 19 In just a little while the world will no longer see me, but you're going to see me because I am alive and you're about to come alive.” (The Message).

God assured me through John 14 that Jesus was His Son who really walked on earth in flesh and bones. He never deserted his friends. He sent them His Spirit to live inside them so that He could have an even closer relationship with them. He was the Way I could relate to my Source. I know this sounds nuts, but I heard a man’s voice that I knew to be Jesus’ say that His father kept me alive for a reason. Jesus said that He wanted me!

I told Him, “You don’t want me … I’m going to disappoint you ...” but He convinced me that He did. Finally, I relented. I said, “Okay, I dare You to use me … I’ve been used before …” From that moment on, I knew I had a relationship with Him.

After spending more time reading the bible, I have gotten a better grasp of who Jesus really is. I’ve come to understand how NOT Christ-like those Christians were who judged and condemned me. When Jesus was asked by the religious people to condemn a woman caught in adultery, Jesus said, “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her” (John 8:7). No one in the crowd could throw that first stone. No one is without sin … except for Jesus. HE told that woman He would not condemn her either. Jesus did not come into the world to judge, but to love.

Unlike God the Father, Jesus is a guy I can relate to. I’ve discovered that Jesus is really cool. He was the biggest rebel of all. When Jesus threw a dinner party, it wasn't for the religious folks ... He wanted to spend time with and cater to the freaks and misfits and sinners. THOSE are who He came to save. The religious folks felt they could save themselves. He sought after the broken, the lost, and the sinners and offered them grace.

Jesus didn’t come to put a bunch of rules and restrictions on me. He came so that I could be free from the power of things that were hurting me (including myself). He is the umbilical cord that allows me to connect to my Source. He came so that I could have a passionate relationship with God. He is my lover. And through Him, I have found the greatest high I have ever experienced: a personal relationship with the God of the universe!

McCall met her husband continue to work at the company where they met and in May have become brand new parents to a beautiful baby girl.

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